Since my last post, 3 weeks have passed, and it’s been a period of recalibration. The week of May 11th, I slipped, having worked out only twice. The week of May 18th, I exercised 5 times. This week, the week of May 25th, today’s 15-mile bike ride made for 6 workouts.
The recalibration came partly in the form of taking a break from personal training. I felt like I just needed a break from having appointments in my calendar. So, basically, I wanted reprieve from accountability! I think it’s been good because I’m feeling refreshed and ready to get back to it. I face Justin again tomorrow!
Ultimately, I used these 3 weeks to recharge and regain my focus. Accountability was especially crucial because I was enduring a semester that, without it, would have wreaked even more havoc on my health than it did. Once I had survived that, something needed to go. I could just feel it. I yearned to take back control of what was allowed to be in my life.
I no longer had to deal with certain people because my professional obligation to them was over, so what could I do to give to myself in ways that I had given to others who clearly didn’t appreciate what I had to offer? That was the question, and I decided to answer it with fewer obligations across the board. So, if there was a meeting or event I didn’t absolutely have to attend or a place I didn’t truly want to be, you can bet I wasn’t there these past 3 weeks.
I don’t often give myself that kind of permission. Now that I have, I believe it should become a regular practice. I’m thinking about doing it at least once per season. It may not be an entire 3 weeks, but it will be something. Once in a while, you have to ask yourself why you are shouldering so much responsibility. Colleagues and others will carry on when you’re dead. And it won’t matter that you killed yourself because you were so busy meeting their every single expectation.
As I moved away from my obligations to other people and focused on what I could do for myself, writing and reading took center stage. During that first week, I mostly rested and then went to New York to see dramatic readings of lynching plays. It was truly gratifying to witness these plays inspiring community-centered conversations, thanks to JACK Arts Center and Colloquy Collective. The next 2 weeks, I regained my writing focus by putting the finishing touches on an essay and then turning again to the manuscript of my current book project, From Slave Cabins to the White House.
It has felt incredibly good to make progress on this book. The more I work on it, the more I’m convinced that it offers real insights. I am engaging much more canonical texts than I did in Living with Lynching, but I believe the theoretical framework I am using (homemaking anxiety) will truly help readers see these works anew. Exciting! And there’s nothing better than having that excitement along with the joy of living the words I so often utter: Grateful I can move, so I’m moving.
“Grateful I can move, so I’m moving” made me say Amen. Grateful I can write, so I’m writing. Grateful I can teach, so I’m teaching, and moving, and thinking, and reading and singing. Thank you for this inspiring post, Koritha. As I like to say, write on! (I can’t wait to read your future/forthcoming book.)
This makes my day. What great energy you’re sending me! Thank you!